Get permission before getting real

1. The rule

Before getting real, get permission. When a prospect needs a blunt truth from you, ask whether you may say it. Then deliver the harsh truth.

This is one of the rules of closing. The rules open a set of closes designed for the part of a sale that starts after the prospect says no. The order is the whole rule: the ask comes first, the truth second.

"Getting real" is not defined beyond delivering the harsh truth. What counts as harsh enough to need the ask is left to you.

2. Three ways to ask

The asks below are introduced as two favorite ways, but three are listed. All three are carried here, in order:

1. Coach, not friend. Ask whether you can be their coach instead of their friend for a second.
2. Coach hat on. Ask whether it would be totally overstepping for you to put your coach hat on for a second.
3. Someone in your position. Ask whether you can tell them what you told someone in their exact position just yesterday, the thing that helped her make this decision.

Then deliver the harsh truth.

In your own words, the three sound like this:

• Can I be your coach for a second, instead of your friend?
• Would it be totally overstepping if I put my coach hat on for a moment?
• Can I tell you what I said to someone in exactly your spot yesterday? It helped her decide.

Two of the three name a coach. The rule that uses the same word is in section 4.

3. Say it about someone like them

If you are going to say something offensive, do not say it about them. Say it about someone like them, or about your past self.

The worked example is a prospect who says they have no time. You could tell them they definitely have time for this program, and ask for their phone so you can show them how much time they spend on it. You may be right, but you will not close the sale.

So, as with the phone-usage close, tell it as a story instead: you having this same conversation yourself, saying the same thing they are saying. Or tell it about someone else. It has the same effect. It is just easier on the ego, and they will connect the dots themselves. (Part of this passage is not established on this page.)

The phone-usage close itself, called the smartphone close there, is on SOP 105 — Handle time and resourcefulness objections.

4. Why you ask hard questions at all

Closers ask hard questions because they genuinely care. The line drawn is between kind and nice:

• Nice people do not want to offend.
• Kind people want to genuinely help the person improve their life.

You want to be kind, not nice. Sometimes being kind means calling out their BS. Do it with tact: help them see it for themselves. That last clause is the method: the prospect reaches the conclusion themselves.

The same idea runs through another rule: selling well is the first step toward being a coach. To help people, you have to learn to help them make decisions that help themselves, and that is exactly what a helpful coach does. The permission asks in section 2 use the same word.

5. Keep the prospect, not the sale, as the priority

Whoever cares most about the prospect wins the sale. Put the prospect first, ahead of the sale.

If their long-term well-being stays at the center of the conversation:

• you approach things with the right frame;
• they hear it in your tone;
• you are no longer driven by needing to make the sale, which pays off over the long term.

Sometimes the best sales you make are the ones you do not make.

6. Trust is built, and it comes in degrees

Two more rules in the same run describe what you are working with when you get real.

Selling moves belief across a bridge of trust. Trust only gets built when you genuinely want to help. The rule names three other rules as the way you build it: number 11, never change your price on the spot to get a sale; number 12, if every call feels like a battle, look at what happens before they show up and at your script before the ask; and number 13, only ask for the sale when you think you have them. Together they create conditions that make a sale more likely. Why those three and not others is not covered on this page. The price rule is carried on SOP 96 — Answer a discount request and capture payment, section 1.

Belief and trust are a continuum, not a switch. You can always improve at earning belief and trust. So the real question is never whether they believe you. It is how much.

7. Seek to understand, not to argue

Seek to understand, not to argue. It takes the heat out of tough moments. Try to understand their perspective rather than get them to agree with you. Ask questions; do not accuse.

A neighboring rule holds here too. The closes are meant to be reframes, other ways to think about the problem, and never a disagreement, because the moment you disagree the prospect is more likely to turn hostile. That rule, with the phrases for agreeing first, is SOP 100 — Run the reason close, section 2.

8. Putting it together

Here is one sequence that uses the rules above:

• Listen and acknowledge. Repeat back what they said and agree with it (SOP 100, section 2).
• Ask permission with one of the three asks in section 2.
• Deliver the harsh truth. If it is something offensive, tell it about someone like them or your past self, not about them.
• Let them get there. Help them realize it for themselves with questions, not accusations.
• Keep their long-term good at the center, even if that means this is not the sale.

The order of the second and third steps is the rule itself. The other steps come from the neighboring rules; how they combine on a live call is your judgment.

9. What this page does not decide for you

• What to do if they say no to the permission ask. Not established on this page.
• How harsh is too harsh. This page gives no figure for it and no test beyond the rules above.
• Two ways or three. The asks are introduced as two favorite ways and three follow. This page does not settle which reading is right; it carries all three.

10. The checklist

Question	The answer
When does the rule apply?	Whenever you need to get real with someone during a close
What comes first?	Permission
The three asks	Coach instead of friend; coach hat; what you told someone in their exact position
Who is something offensive about?	Someone like them, or your past self, not them
Why ask hard questions?	Because you care: kind, not nice
How do you call out an excuse?	Tactfully, by helping them realize it for themselves
Whose interest leads?	The prospect's, not the sale's
What trust is	A matter of degree; built only by genuinely wanting to help
What you never do	Disagree, argue or accuse

11. What this page does not cover

Objection-specific closes are not covered on this page. Sorting what a prospect is blaming is SOP 99 — Classify an objection; the reason close and how to deliver any close are SOP 100.